Excuses

Okay, so I have been not writing this post for a long time but it needs to be written because I need to hear it myself. And being that it's 2:14am this is going to be a very honest post.

I have been being lazy. Do I know how to eat healthy? Yep. Could I eat a gluten free diet? Yep. Could I give up sugar if I wanted to? Yep. Could I get up before work to work out? Yep. The list continues with washing the dishes after I cook a meal, folding the laundry instead of keeping my clothes in the dryer, going to the post office to buy stamps so I can mail my mortgage on time, etc, etc, etc.

This week officially started the long hours of busy season. I have somewhat subconsciously/consciously been using work as a way to get me out of being healthy this week and it has to stop.

Here is my week so far:

I brought my clothes to workout with me to work on Monday so I could go to kickboxing and I could have made it but instead I worked late. I used working late as an excuse to not workout. When I got home on Monday it was a little after 8. Instead of cooking something I bought at the grocery store on Sunday that was healthy I ate the rest of the bag of baked cheetos that were sitting in my pantry. The bag of cheetos that I bought at the store knowing that they weren't the best choice but that I just wanted them. Then Tuesday rolled around and I had the best intentions of doing something healthy for myself that day but did I? Nope. I went to Jason's Deli for lunch because I used the excuse that the turkey I bought at the store on Sunday was slimey so instead of looking for another lunch option I just went out to eat. I also have not been eating the chocolate at work because I desperately want that haircut and that was my goal (to not eat that chocolate at work) but instead of I've been eating cookies and I even had a NutterButter bar which I don't think I've eaten since high school. Tuesday I worked til 8 so again no workout. And the eating at night was no better. Still not wanting to cook anything in my fridge I bought a not so stellar frozen meal at wal-mart and heated it up. And then because we are being super honest I ate a bag of mini reeces cups, which are really bad for you. Especially when you eat them right around bedtime.

Tonight I left work and had intentions of going to workout because I still had my workout clothes in my car from Monday. I forgot though that I wore socks to work on Monday and didn't have any in the bag and yesterday I wore heals so no socks to wear to kickboxing. I used this as an excuse to go home and chill and not workout. Could I still have gone home, changed and went to the gym? Yep.

I went to bed at a decent hour tonight but woke up about 30 minutes ago and could not go to sleep. And I think this is the reason why. Why am I sabotaging all that I've done? Every night I haven't worked out or that I eat something processed and sugary I feel good only for like 5 minutes and then I just feel super fat. Clearly, I haven't gained 20 pounds in a week but in my body that's what I feel like. I feel gross and I can't do this to myself again. I've gone up/down so many times in the past and I'm sick of doing this to myself. I don't want to be a fat/lazy person who does things just because they're easy and they feel good at the time.

And to just totally get things out there another thing that has been weighing on me (pun/no pun intended) is this dating thing which yes, will apparently always be an issue for me. I know the last date with the guy didn't go so well but I haven't been feeling that great about me lately and I even thought to msyelf last week that I'm not "thin" enough to be dating because I'm not okay with me yet. I've used this an excuse in the past and it is such crap. I do this to myself so I don't get hurt and I'm tired of this cycle too. I say "Oh, I'm not where I want to be and until I get there I will just be myself and not date." But instead of this pushing me to workout and be healthy I usually just eat and sit around so it has the exact opposite effect.

Yes this post is crazy and when I re-read it again at 8 in the morning I'll probably think what in the world? But here's the deal. We can do anything we want. I can get up at 5am and workout. I can eat a diet with no sugar in it. I can drink a whole bunch of water every day and not 3 Diet Cokes. And just because I haven't been doing it doesn't mean I can't. Excuses. Damn them. I don't want to wait til after April 15th to start being healthy again.

So.....I'm getting up in the morning and I'm going to workout. For an hour. Before work. And I'm giving up eating the snacks at work. I'm going to the post office and getting stamps. And for now that's enough. And this weekend I'm going to cook for the week like I was doing. And I'm going to wash the dishes and fold the laundry and be prepared for the next week. Because I refuse to wait and let these excuses weigh me down any longer.

Sunday Check-in

Good Sunday Morning!!!

Well not much changed this week. I feel like this has been my last several weeks. My weight is at 156 which is 2 pounds less than where I started. My measurements are consistent but my bust is up an inch this week and my thigh measurement looks like it might have increased a little which is disheartening. I was able to get in really cardio this week and yesterday I went to another zumbathon and it was a great workout so I'm not sure what more I can be doing on the workout side which means I need to just suck it up and really attack my food habits and change them. It's so hard to do during busy season. Food is so comforting and I know how bad that is but some days it really does make you feel better. And just to throw a little pity party I had a great date last Friday and I didn't hear from him (which I had a feeling I wouldn't. When I like a guy that seems to be the kiss of death) so everyone said I should text him which I did. We set up a date for Friday but then I felt like I was pressuring the situation and cancelled the date. Yes, I might be truly crazy. Dating really may not be in the cards for me. Looking back on the date I probably shouldn't have said anything about wanting to adopt a little black baby or not wanting to find my husband til I was 87. Yep, crazy. hahaha

I have a busy day today. I need to get some work done, laundry, clean the kitchen, pay bills, grocery shop and then Shanetha and I are having an Oscar watch party so I need to get some stuff done for that.

Sorry for the depressing post. I'm really trying to be positive and I'll get back on the bandwagon. Some days it just needs to be vented and left in the past.

 So I've decided to implement a goal/reward into my week. If I don't have any of the chocolates at work (they always have those mini chocolate bars w/all the flavors and after lunch I usually induldge) then I will buy myself a haircut next weekend.

I also decided I think I need a workout goal to focus on. Trying to decide what that should be. 

Weekly Check In

Happy Sunday!

I think I am going to re-evaluate my diet this week.  I think that my lack of change is probably due to that.  I have been doing low-carb/no sugar, but I give myself a free pass on stuff without carbs....so I am thinking my calories are too high.  I'm going to start focusing more on calories while continuing the low carb stuff.I mostly track my carbs and not my total calories (i.e. I don't always enter stuff like meat or oil into my tracker because they have no carbs), so my goal is to track everything this week.

This week I also really ramped up my cardio.  My goal was to do three hours total of cardio, and I actually ended up doing 5 hours total.  I did skimp a bit on strength training this week just to see how my body would react to resting my muscles.  Apparently my body could have cared less, haha.  My scale is still stuck around 139 and my measurements are the same as they have been. (I do feel better about how I look in shorts though).

Why is it so hard to produce a change right now?  I feel like I haven't moved my numbers in the last month!  Maybe my body is happy here.  Or maybe it is that I am eating too many calories. Any ideas??



So that's where I'm at this week: stuck. 

Goals for the coming week:
1. Track all food and total calories, aiming to maintain an average deficit of 500 calories per day. 
2. 3 hours of cardio and 3 strength training sessions.